


Poking the Bear

by jenaicompris



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Banter, F/F, F/M, Random & Short, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 15:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3254879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenaicompris/pseuds/jenaicompris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is absolute nonsense. A little diddy about what happens when someone assaults Krem for just being his adorable self. In which Krem is accused of rape and the Inquisitor sticks it to the accusers for being prejudiced and just generally terrible people. Potential trigger warning, deals with accusation of rape (read: <b>accusation</b>). Swearing. Vague dirty talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poking the Bear

**Author's Note:**

> Astyth is my secret favorite. She might make other appearances, I don't know. If the potential is here for you to be offended, please just don't read it. Last chance.

I was seated on the throne in the main hall of Skyhold’s keep, scanning over a document that Josephine had handed to me. I was slouched because I always slouched, my head throbbing from staring at too-small handwriting for what felt like hours. My stomach rumbled with hunger but I had promised Josie I would take care of whatever she asked before I stole away for lunch. I hadn’t been back at Skyhold for over a month and, while the more pressing issues had been sent via raven, there were some things that she wanted me back ‘home’ for.

“…and I was able to get that marble bath for you,” she said over my shoulder and I looked up at her as she scribbled something on her portable desk, handing the paper off to a messenger briefly.

“Oh, thank the Stone,” I breathed, rubbing one eye with my right hand. I was left handed, even when the Mark caused it to cramp, and wanted to avoid getting the ink on my face. “I may take my dinner in the tub this evening.”

Josie laughed at me a little but nodded her head, “As you wish, Inquisitor.”

I would have corrected her to call me Astyth but I was seated on the throne and it made sense to call me by my title. Even if it still felt like a lie, months and months later. A year, probably. It didn’t matter.

I was tiny in the throne and I knew it; I knew that I looked like a child playing at war but no one dared to say a word about it. Anyone that knew anything knew I had been Carta; people don’t simply _mess_ with Carta members, even if they _are_ a dwarf at the head of a human-created, Chantry- born machine. I suppose _especially_ not in that case. Although I hadn’t ventured as far as the Winter Palace yet, so I was unsure what I would find when I did. Had I been nobility, it may have made a difference; I was not. We had been a warrior house once, House Cadash, but the reason we had lost favor was also lost to time. It didn’t matter anyway. I had the feeling that Orlesians wouldn’t care one way or the other.

Several sets of thudding footsteps, one dragging, and “Inquisitor!” from a voice that sounded familiar. It was strangled, choked a little. I tilted my head back, scanning the scene that was unfolding in front of me.

A woman, red in the face with hair wild and dress askew. A man, with a similar face shape (clearly related), an angry look, and a broken lip. Another man that I recognized immediately, behind drug along by two others. A bloody face and a black eye.

I all but threw the papers at Josephine, standing immediately and moving down from the dais. I wore dresses when we had visitors but avoided them when I could. I was dressed in dark breeches and a light tunic, boots laced nearly to my knees. My daggers were beside the throne.

I wouldn’t need them for this. Or at least, they had better hope I wouldn’t.

My initial reaction was to swear by the Stone but here, as the Inquisitor, I swore by Andraste or nothing at all.  “Explain what is going on. Now.” I spoke, voice low as I looked over the man and the woman. The individuals that held up Krem looked like they were being mildly kind as they were in a guard uniform and I would have had their heads if they looked otherwise.

“Your Worship, this _thing_ attacked my sister,” the man spoke, voice thick with southern Ferelden. His knuckles were bloody. Clearly he was at fault. I didn’t say anything, just waited. “It was at the tavern and got my sister drunk, acted like a man, and then it took advantage of her.”

He clenched his jaw, wringing his hands and I turned a little to the woman, hands clasped behind my back. “And what do you have to say, miss?”

Her face was tear-stained and she swallowed nodding. Her clothing was not torn, merely disheveled. “Last night, Your Worship. I met him – her… _it_ at the tavern. It told me its name was Krem, that it was a man in The Iron Bull’s service. It bought me some ale and we got a room together. It _violated me_ and then I found out the truth.”

“Which is?”

“ _It_ has them lady bits.”

“Indeed,” I snorted, trying to suppress the roll of my eyes.

“And Krem,” I turned, raising an eyebrow at the Charger. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Your Worship, some of what they say is true,” he coughed. I waved a hand and the guards shifted to assist Krem to stand rather than keep him at bay. He adjusted himself a little, leaning against one of the guards for support. “I did meet Ilsa at the tavern. I _did_ say I was a Charger. I did take her to a room and do to her what any rational human being would do to a _willing_ female participant.”

“And by this you mean that you engaged in…consensual sexual acts?” I asked, feeling the blush in my cheeks. I was no virgin, but I was essentially in an Inquisitor’s court and couldn’t very well talk about the finer points of cunnilingus.

Krem nodded a little, wincing. “She noticed I hadn’t taken off my pants, asked about it, pushed for it. I hadn’t intended on…asking for reciprocation. When she found what was…or _wasn’t_ in my breeches, she screamed like her hair was on fire and ran.”

I was trying, very desperately, not to laugh. Not because the situation was funny, but Krem was good at painting a very vibrant picture.

“How did you come by those bruises on your face?”

Krem nodded his head a little in the direction of Ilsa’s brother, “This morning he found me in the courtyard.”

“He took you single-handedly?”

Krem frowned, “No.”

“You jumped a Charger?” I asked, turning back to the Ferelden man. “With how many men?”

“Three others,” he responded, seemingly proud. Apparently he wasn’t as good at reading people as I was.

“Let me get this straight,” I started, hands behind my back again as I paced across the top step of the dais in front of them. “Krem bought your sister a beverage and made her feel like woman – I assume, of course, you performed _admirably_?” I asked, throwing a look at Bull’s man. He smirked a little, wincing after at the pain it must’ve caused in his obviously broken nose. “Well then. So Krem bought your sister a drink, a room was paid for, glorious times had….and your sister discovered the individual that performed such kind acts for her had a different set of piss pipes?”

A gasp went up and I cursed my inability to hold my own tongue. I knew Josie would be rolling her eyes behind me after she covered her mouth in shock.

“I…yes,” the man responded, looking a little dazed.

“So what, exactly, are you accusing Krem of?”

"I...uhh..." The man paused, frowning.

I sighed a little, watching him and trying to keep the disdain from my face. “All right then. _Why_ did you take three friends and mess up such a handsome face?”

“My sister…”

“What terrible fate actually befell your sister? Are you accusing Krem of rape?” My voice was hard, my gaze harder.  I shifted my arms across my chest, staring down the Ferelden man.

“I...no, no Your Worship. It _lied_.”

“First of all,” I growled, taking a step forward. I looked up at the man, didn’t give two shits that I had to tilt my head up, “Krem is a _he_ and you will refer to _him_ as such, or else I will take away what you consider so important for being a man.” I clenched my jaw and took a step back, shaking my head a little and putting my hands on my hips as I came to stand on the step again. “Second of all, you will _both_ be put in the stocks for being so damn insufferable. How _dare_ you attack this man for absolutely _no_ reason. Your sister is unharmed, whether or not her _pride_ is wounded. And you will give the name of your friends to my guards so that they can share your fate.”

I stopped, looking at Krem for a moment. I frowned at the site of his nose dripping blood across his lips. I shook my head and looked back to the other man. “You will be made an example of for this. If anyone does anything like this again, their punishment will be tenfold. And if _you_ so much as _sneeze_ in Krem’s direction without excusing yourself, you will find yourself in dire straits. Am I understood, ser?”

As he nodded, looking half-terrified and half-pissed as the guards came up to take the both of them away.

“Get a healer in here right now,” I turned to Josie and moved to Krem, standing on the step so that I was in line with his face. I reached out and tenderly touched the side of his face that was less decimated by violence. I took a potion from one of the guards and tipped it up for him. He swallowed it hungrily and I moved to stand beneath his arm, holding against his side. I guided him towards the door that led up to my room.

“Josephine, please send the healer to my room. That bath is upstairs, right? I need it drawn immediately.”

“Already done.”

“Perfect,” I smiled at her and helped the limping ex-Vint into my chambers and out of his armor.

“You really don’t have to,” he protested as I pushed his shaking hands away, moving to undo his breast binding.

“I know,” I responded, smiling up at his dirty but slightly less wounded face, “I don’t have to do much of anything, not really.”

“You’re going to get some angry whispers about what you did in there.”

“Fuck them,” I responded with a grin, eyes scanning his body for bruises as I helped him slowly into the massive marble tub in front of the fireplace. “I would have killed them myself if Josephine wouldn’t have had a conniption over it.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary, Your-“

“KREM!” came the thunderous roar of Bull as he charged up my steps, bursting into the room behind us.

“Calm down,” I turned, lifting a hand to his chest. “He’s fine. He’s alive. He’s healing.”

“And naked!” Krem squeaked, sinking low into the tub. I put  myself between Krem and Bull to avoid any further embarrassment on the former’s part.

“Bull, if you please,” I gestured to the balcony. “No need to make anyone more uncomfortable than necessary.”

“What the fuck happened?” he growled as he, begrudgingly, let me lead him into the cool mountain air.

“A woman wasn’t particularly happy when she found out about Krem’s nether region. And her brother did what brothers will do.”

“One guy bested him? Krem! What the fuck?”

I shook my head a little, “Three guys jumped him, Bull. But I’ve got a healer coming. They’re being put in the stocks, the whole lot of them.”

“You let them live?”

“Bull, I don’t have a choice. If I went around killing every arsehole in Skyhold, I wouldn’t have anyone to fight Corypheus, would I?”

“I meant him!” Bull roared, half-laugh, over my head into my room in Krem’s direction. Krem snorted and a splashing sounded after footfalls. The sound of the healer speaking to Krem and magic being performed became a hum behind us.

“Thanks, boss,” Bull said as he moved forward, setting his hands on the railing in front of him. I moved forward, setting my elbows on the cool stone.

“You don’t need to thank me. Trust me, I would’ve killed ‘em if I could’ve gotten away with it. Josie would’ve been pretty upset with me, I wager. I _definitely_ wanted to give him a right hook. He came in like he expected me to call it rape.” I snorted, shaking my head. “Seriously. What the fuck kind of operation do these people think I’m running? That woman will probably _never_ have better sex in her life and it matters because the other participant has a cunt.”

Bull snorted before laughing, and loudly.

“What?”

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“What? Cunt?”

“Yes.”

“Why? It’s a perfectly suitable word and an apt description. Clearly I couldn’t say that while I was judging the bastards, but this is my room. I’ll say what I please.”

“You surprise me, boss. And people don’t often surprise me.”

“Hey, you think I wouldn’t give Krem a shot if I was his type? He’s a nice looking guy.”

“I heard that, Your Worship,” Krem called from the other room and I laughed.

“So he’s your type, then?”

“ _Everyone_ is my type, Bull,” I grinned.

“Is that so, boss?”

“If you know how to work it, I’ll ride.”

If he had been drinking something, I’m pretty sure he would’ve spit it out.

“Is that an invitation, boss?”

“ _I_ am an invitation.”


End file.
